There is a certain type of men who openly talk about their intimate adventures: with whom, how and when. It looks like bragging and is often perceived by women as an insult. spoke with psychologist-sexologist Ekaterina Alskayato figure out what is behind such behavior and whether women should avoid such men.
– Potency and erection is a central theme in the life of every man. Someone is silent and worried about himself, and someone begins to shout out loud, first of all convincing himself that everything is in order with him: “I’m a womanizer, ladies’ man. Don’t even think bad of me.” This can be compared to people of either gender who are insecure and begin to assert themselves through bright clothes, aggressive makeup or manicure, a car or something else in order to gain social approval: “Wow, you are so cool!”
This behavior is similar to the action of a child who constantly turns to his mother for her approval: “Is everything all right? Praise me.” This is what makes a person feel better, stronger, more powerful. As personal experience in counseling shows, those men who stick out their intimate life too much have any difficulties in relationships, perhaps in the financial sphere or building a career.
A man who is confident and has a good sex life with his woman does not need anyone’s approval. He himself knows that he is all right.
If we compare Western upbringing and ours, then we can see that in the West, teenagers begin their sexual life very early. In our society, there are more conservative views, and if someone starts kissing early, then this is condemned.
Nevertheless, everyone, without exception, goes through the stage of formation of their own sexuality. If this process is suppressed at the age of 14, then nature takes its toll later. But what in youth can be explained by immaturity and lack of experience, in adulthood is perceived by others as strange and even more criticized. Everyone around is waiting for the kid to settle down, take up his mind and start a family.
How to change behavior that interferes with intimacy?
If a man has desire and thoughts for a long-term relationship based on respect, but his behavior repels those with whom he would like to start a family and attracts those women who are not interested in him, you should think: “What am I doing wrong?” If something does not work out for a person the way he wants, it means that he interferes with himself on the way to his goal. This is an occasion to turn to a psychologist-sexologist, who will help you to look at the picture of life with an open mind and slightly adjust your behavior.
How should women react to such men?
It would seem that, as a sexologist, I should say: “Women, run away from such men, they will use you. You are an object for them, in which only the body is interesting. As a person, they are not interested in you!” But there is an important point here: when people get to know each other, they usually show some embarrassment in the form of a protective mask. Both the woman and the man behave differently than in ordinary life. It is important to distinguish between a bawdy who will humiliate a woman, thinking only about his own convenience, and a man who thus protects his inner vulnerability. This is clearly seen in the difference between words and actions. He says “about it” arrogantly, aggressively, but at the same time he does everything to make the woman comfortable: he is interested in her and her desires, comes to pick her up on the other side of the city to give her a lift, helps solve some problems, gives something . This suggests that such a man is not very holistic inside, and he needs to hide behind the sphere of sex, but he is not hopeless.
How to raise boys?
This behavior of adult men is formed during adolescence, and parents who now have teenage children can pay attention to several main points:
– if possible, it is necessary to organize a separate room for the child or put up a screen so that the boy has a personal space;
– From the age of 12, introduce the rule “do not enter the room without knocking.” In order for a child to undergo psychosexual development, he must have the opportunity to explore himself and know that no one will disturb him;
– mothers should monitor their behavior towards their son: do not be aggressive, overwhelming, categorical. Do not evaluate actions and do not restrict freedom. Such actions suppress the male component of the boy. In the future, this affects his relationship with women;
– in children from the age of 11, the body begins to change, hormones play. Despite the observance of personal hygiene, an unpleasant odor may come from them, according to parents. This is a natural process that will end on its own. No need to constantly drive the child to wash or point out that he has gained weight or lost weight. Such an emphasis in the future may adversely affect the sexual sphere;
– talk confidentially with your children on spicy topics. It’s okay to say that different videos are not real life, but relationships are good. It is important to remember that there are topics that children can only talk about with their peers, and parents should not go into this territory.