No matter how pleasant and sincere words are spoken, not every woman manages to accept them with a smile and enjoy what she hears. Someone begins to make excuses, someone feels like they should and blurt out something in response, and someone says indignantly: “Wasn’t I so beautiful yesterday ?!” asked Gestalt therapist Dinara Aribzhanova about why it is difficult for many women to accept compliments and how to learn to enjoy pleasant words spoken to you.
There can be many reasons for internal disagreement and refusal of a compliment. The first thing that can be found on the surface is that a woman believes that she does not deserve and is unworthy of these words. There is a clash of someone’s impression at a particular moment with a woman’s general idea of herself, which has been formed throughout her life. If there is a big difference between these opinions, then the one who is being complimented will feel discomfort, distrust, or an additional obligation and responsibility.
beauty is in the eye of the beholder
A compliment is a response and gratitude for someone else’s action that brought pleasure, pleasure to a person. He sees something and feels something that gives rise to a desire to voice his admiration. This does not necessarily have to be a lot of work on scanning, analysis, evaluation and conclusion to talk about what you see or not. As a rule, this is a momentary impression.
Most compliments about appearance include not only how a person looks, but also his condition, mood, energy level. Whether a woman in the same dress, but with a different feeling and mood, she may not be noticed or at least not impressed with her.
Why is it so hard to accept compliments?
Only the person himself knows about each of his pimples, wrinkles and other “flaws”. People, as a rule, react to the image of the other as a whole, and do not disassemble it into small parts in search of defects. However, a woman or man who receives a compliment often ignores the fact that it refers to the here and now, and does not express an assessment of the entire previous life or advances the future.
Compliments can cause embarrassment, because a person finds himself seen, and it is difficult for him to attract attention, to be in the center of events. There may be additional responsibility behind this: “if you call yourself a load, get into the back.” The one gifted with praise seems to have a burdensome need to correspond to the words spoken. In addition, there may be a feeling that the other is deceiving or flattering for some ulterior purpose. If this is not some kind of situational story, but a constant feeling with various pleasant words, then you can see how much a person generally trusts people. But even if in a particular case distrust is justified, a compliment can be accepted. It does not obligate you to anything now or in the future.
Response exclamation: “Yes, I am always beautiful!” hints that a woman is still experiencing difficulty and cannot easily and naturally accept a compliment. However, she may not notice internal discomfort. Nevertheless, if a person begins to unfold any dialogue in response to a compliment, this indicates that something is starting to happen to him and in this way he compensates for his internal state.
Well, I didn’t do it!
Often, when a compliment is given to a hairstyle, apartment renovation, car, there is a desire to talk about the master, brand and someone else, adding “I have nothing to do with it, it’s all of them.” However, this compliment is also for you. You have done a great job to find this master, stylist or interior designer. You chose this particular brand of car or earned money to buy it. You have worked hard to look good or live well. And these words are for you first of all. You have every right to accept a compliment with all your heart.
How to accept compliments?
A compliment can be taken as a gift. Like in the Soviet cartoon “Just like that!”, when a child gives a bouquet to a donkey to cheer him up. The donkey gives a bouquet to a puppy, etc. The giver does not need anything in return, for him the reward is the pleasure and joy of the one who receives this gift.
A compliment is always situational, and it must be taken here and now, and not postponed until tomorrow. Give the person who gave you nice words the opportunity to enjoy what inspired him in you or your appearance. Don’t discount, don’t make excuses, don’t compliment back just for the sake of not being due. You have already done something that aroused admiration or pleasure in another. Nothing more is required of you. Smile, rejoice, thank and accept this “gift”, let it in and enjoy. If it is not yet possible to do this sincerely, then still smile, thank and, as far as possible, let it in. If you want to object or say something in response, stop yourself and keep silent. When time is available, you can analyze and reflect: “How did I feel when I was given a compliment? What did I answer or wanted to answer? Why did I say it or wanted to say it? What is my difficulty in accepting other people’s kind words? Is it difficult for me to accept compliments only from this person or on this topic? Thus, you can find out what exactly prevents you from accepting compliments.
I know I’m not like that!
If it is difficult to accept compliments, for example, regarding your appearance, you should figure out: “How do you feel about yourself? Do you accept yourself? Do you consider yourself beautiful? Do you consider yourself worthy of this outfit? You can do an exercise that will help you see yourself from the outside and change your attitude towards yourself and your “flaws”. It is not always possible to change your own appearance, but you can learn to accept it by constantly consciously practicing attention and self-love: “Yes, my cheeks are unusual, special. But I still love myself. I’m on my own.” If you regularly consider and accept in yourself what you don’t like, then gradually you will begin to accept those nuances in yourself that prevent you from enjoying compliments.