It’s good when you can step back from your ex-partner and your ended relationship once and for all. But this becomes impossible if you work or study together, go to the same fitness club, be friends with the same people. It may even seem that the mission is impossible and, in order not to open up wounds, it is better for some of you to quit (transfer to another institute, change halls, cut off communication with friends). But you can do without it. Relationship experts have some advice.
1. Get busy
Try to fully concentrate on what you are doing. If you’re working with an ex, immerse yourself in your responsibilities. If you are studying English or drawing in the same group, your eyes should be riveted to a textbook or easel. If you decide to go to a mutual friend’s birthday party, give all your attention to the birthday person.
Firstly, this is an absolutely legal reason to isolate yourself from your ex-partner – you are not trying to avoid him, you are just very busy. And secondly, focusing on business can really help to “drive” a person out of your thoughts and not think about how he looks at you and whether he flirts too actively with a new colleague.
2. Keep your mouth shut
Do not talk about your relationship and the reasons for the breakup. Don’t complain about your ex, even if you think he did something bad to you. Colleagues, classmates and mutual acquaintances will happily pick up this information, procrastinate and pass it on to each other. They will discuss you (such is human nature), and all these gossip conversations will make you once again think about the former and rub salt on healing wounds.
If you get asked about the breakup, the best tactic is to say you don’t want to talk about the situation and change the subject.
3. Don’t flirt
And not only with the former (this is understandable), but also with common colleagues or acquaintances. After a painful breakup, it may be tempting to make your loved one jealous or just show them that you live life to the fullest and don’t suffer in the slightest. They usually use photos from wild parties, a change of image and, of course, attempts to start a new relationship, or at least create such an appearance.
But all this only binds you more strongly to your former partner. Instead of letting him go, you think about him again and again, try to predict his reaction to this or that action, worry about how you look in his eyes. In addition, flirting can achieve the goal: a person will get hurt, he will start to be jealous, unleash a conflict, will flirt with someone to spite you. As a result, you will get bogged down in incomprehensible intrigues and make yourself worse.
4. Get distracted
Take on side projects at work, take electives at college, get involved in social activities, find a new hobby. If before that you still had a loophole for suffering about the former in the middle of working hours, then this way it will definitely close. In addition, such a high employment, most likely, will have a great effect on your career, educational results and self-development in general.
Of course, working overtime and working on several projects at once will not work for a long time, but at least for a while you will be distracted. Maybe this is enough to safely survive the breakup.
5. Find yourself a new company
Unless you’re a shy introvert who spends every break in the corner with a book, you probably need a social circle. The people you go to lunch with, chat in the elevator and near the cooler, go down the subway together. Perhaps earlier this circle consisted of a former partner and his acquaintances – which means that now it would be better for you to slowly change the company.
Select colleagues or classmates with whom it would be interesting to communicate, and try to join them. So you, firstly, distance yourself from the former, and secondly, you will once again be distracted from thoughts of parting.
It is best that the new company consists of people of the same sex as you, so you will not be tempted to go all out and arrange a revealing romance.
6. Increase your distance
If you are constantly in the same space with an ex, living through a breakup will be a little harder. If you can’t get it out of sight, then it can be difficult to get it out of your mind. Research they saythat people who follow the accounts of the former in social networks, as a result, recover longer after a break and later return to a full life.
Here the situation is different: you are not in contact with this person of your own free will – but the mechanism is absolutely the same. Therefore, you can try to move away even while working in the same company.
Ask your manager to change your schedule, temporarily transfer you to another department or branch, send you on a business trip, to work remotely, and so on. From the outside, everything will look quite legitimate: you were simply transferred – what can you do? But at the same time, you will have the opportunity to take a break, collect your thoughts and put your feelings in order.
7. Take a vacation
And try to change the environment. This will help shake up, distract, gain new experiences. Perhaps this time will be enough to recover a little, after returning to treat the presence of a former partner more calmly.
8. Listen to yourself
If you understand that working together is painful for you – you are in pain, you suffer and cannot return to normal life – still consider changing companies. Yes, it may seem terribly unfair and wrong, but your mental state is much more important. Finding a new job is sometimes a lot easier than dealing with your feelings.