For many people, cheating has long ceased to be associated with physical contact, because you can move away from your partner and prefer another person to him, even in virtual space. In modern life, the concept is increasingly common “emotional betrayal”, which unites people on the basis of the same feelings, common thoughts and warm communication. About how dangerous this condition is, told psychotherapist, head of the family psychology center Alexandra Tolokonina.
“As a rule, such a betrayal occurs due to a lack of feelings between partners. For example, a girl ceases to be interested in how the guy is doing at work, does not offer him to go on a joint vacation, hugs and kisses him less and less. Another example is a husband who constantly criticizes his wife and does not take her seriously, does not want to devote time and attention to her, but demands support, care and respect from her. In both cases, there is a one-sided game, one of the partners is happy with everything, but the other person may really lack emotional and physical intimacy, ”says the psychologist.
Such people live under the same roof, lead a joint life, but sooner or later their feelings will cool. Often, the lack of emotional intimacy leads to further cheating in reality.
Signs of betrayal
The person being cheated on will feel it on an intuitive level. Also, the wrong partner will give out his behavior. “He began to spend less time with you, help in all matters and take care, give flowers and give compliments, completely ceased to be interested in your life? This is a wake up call. Perhaps now he pays attention to someone else. Also analyze his dependence (or independence) on communication in social networks. If you are sitting on a date, and your young man does not let go of the phone and is talking enthusiastically with someone, perhaps someone has become more interesting to him than you, ”warns Alexandra Tolokonina.
Very often, there is a very thin line between warm affection and falling in love. Sincere friendship does not allow flirting, but if the transition to intimate conversations, spicy jokes has taken place, you understand that you already look at your “friend” not only as a friend, then this is already falling in love, the specialist explains. Perhaps if you do not have intimacy, you just fantasize about this person, which also indicates emotional betrayal.
“Another clear sign of betrayal is the desire to share your emotional experiences with a “friend” or be the first to report some good news that your partner does not yet know about. If you happen to be cheating on your partner, think about the consequences. First, you are pleased with the attention of another person, then you begin to look for more communication with him, then compare him with your current young man, ”explains the specialist. All this can lead to a breakup and not develop into a serious romance with your “friend”.
Lying and secretiveness are the most important signs of emotional infidelity. You do not tell your soulmate about where, with whom, how you spend time, delete messages and call logs, set passwords and get terribly angry when a young man tries to pick up your phone. Remember that deceit makes people move away from each other and contributes to an early break in the union.
“To overcome emotional betrayal, you need to decide what is more important to you: current relationships or the opportunity to build new ones. Once you make a decision, you will either end the new romance in favor of the old relationship, or break up with your partner, ”the expert notes.
Causes of emotional betrayal
Emotional betrayals happen due to the fact that something is missing in the relationship of one of the partners (romantic feelings faded away, rare physical intimacy, lack of communication). The desire to get close to another person arises from the fact that you do not feel significant and loved, loneliness presses on you, you cannot open up and enjoy your relationship, says Alexandra Tolokonina.
“When we are rude in communicating with our partner, we constantly reproach him, do not support him, do not rejoice at successes, do not show concern, he may want to find attention and moral comfort on the side. To prevent your partner from committing emotional infidelity, you need to maintain warm communication and daily heartfelt conversations. Try to take care of him, have a good time together, say affectionate words more often – and you will see how much kindness and attention he will give in return, ”the psychotherapist sums up.