To kiss on the lips or not to kiss? This is a topic around which controversy does not subside. Moms, as in many other issues about raising children, are divided into two camps. Some kiss their little pretty children everywhere: on the cheeks, on the lips, and on the ass. From their point of view is such an all-consuming love that they give to their children. Others limit themselves to kisses on the cheeks, forehead and are categorically against kissing the baby on the lips. decided to find its own answer in this dispute and spoke with psychologist-sexologist Ekaterina Alskaya.
Let’s start with what lips are and what function they perform. In addition to the fact that lips serve to capture and hold food when it enters the mouth, participate in the expression of emotions and in sound pronunciation, lips are also the very first bodily contact with a loved one. The baby clasps his mother’s nipple with his lips and experiences the greatest delight from intimacy. The oral reflex, which nature has laid in the child so that he survives, makes him turn his head to the side where you touch the baby’s cheek with your finger. Thus, the reflex performs the only role – to urgently find the mother’s nipple and cling to it.
The all-consuming joy from this merger includes physiological manifestations of joy in the baby: boys can have an erection, girls have a similar reaction: moisturizing the genitals, it’s just not so clearly visible.
If we talk about teenagers or adults, then a kiss on the lips is an expression of love for your partner and a prelude to sexual contact with those people with whom you want more intimacy. For many, a kiss is a more intimate act than sex. Some girls and guys with a strong hormonal surge can get excited and experience an orgasm just from a kiss without additional stimulation.
Children learn from their parents
It is worth saying that the child perceives any behavior of an adult in his direction as the norm. We can see this in tribes where it is the norm to go naked or deflower your daughters. Here we can observe joint trips to the bathhouse of parents and their adult children. Some may wash teenagers in the bathroom. There are many other manifestations that are actually psychological incest. But we adults know this. And children perceive absolutely normally, they are used to it.
If a mother from infancy kisses her baby on the lips, then it is not surprising that at two or three years old he himself begins to reach out to his mother with kisses. One of the parents makes excuses that “the child himself wants this.” But do not forget that at first his parents kissed him, but he just got used to it. Everything that children do is taught to them by their parents either by their own example or with their tacit consent. Nevertheless, when children grow up, gender self-identification occurs, an image of gender role models is formed. Teenagers themselves stop kissing their mothers, because they begin to understand that this is not quite normal.
This is how I show my baby that I love him!
If you talk to adults, then none of them will say: “My mother kissed me on the lips, and I liked it so much. We had a real close contact with her. I felt her love.” Growing up, children transfer into adulthood a warm, loving, accepting image of a mother from hugs, support, understanding, sympathy, acceptance, kind words, but not from kisses. The desire to kiss a child on the lips is the satisfaction of a woman’s unconscious need for female-male relationships. When there is no intimacy with her spouse, there is a transfer to the child and a kiss on the lips gives the woman a feeling of warm contact and confirmation of her need.
It is worth paying attention to the fact that, subjectively, dads rarely kiss their children on the lips and, as a rule, connect and adjust to the traditions introduced by the woman.
Relationship problems with spouse
If a woman likes to kiss her child on the lips, and not on the cheek, shoulder. If she herself constantly reaches out to him or supports the baby’s desire to kiss, then she should ask herself a few questions:
- Does a woman have a spouse, a man, a partner?
- if so, how deep is the emotional closeness between them? How satisfied is a woman with this sexual intimacy?
- Does the woman experience sexual satisfaction and orgasms?
- Does she feel psychologically well in her relationship with her partner?
If there is a problem in at least one of the points, then you need to contact a specialist in order to deal with difficulties in relations with a partner, and not close your need for intimacy through kisses with a child.
What are the dangers of kissing on the lips for children?
No such research has been done. It cannot be unequivocally said that the children whom their mothers kissed on the lips will be different. Perhaps they will even be more sexually liberated, and that’s good. But we can assume the development of violations in personal boundaries, and this will affect relationships with the opposite sex. In addition, such lip fusion with the mother can make it difficult to separate when needed, and the child may remain in a codependent relationship.
If all of the above is not enough to understand that adults are not recommended to kiss a child on the lips, then we can recall physiology. Many infections are transmitted through the lips, mouth, mucous membranes: venereal, herpes, hepatitis, gastrointestinal, caries and many others. Whether it is worth exposing your child to additional danger or trying to deal with your unmet needs is up to mothers to decide.